The Brand New Testament (2015)

Sorry, I don’t think God or anyone would choose to make Brussels the first ever city. This movie starts off on the wrong foot at the very start of Genesis. I don’t really like how they depicted God in this film. A drunken, abusive and perverted pedophile of a father. It’s almost like this movie wanted to be shocking and disgusting right from the start. The movie gets a lot better when it focuses on God’s daughter Ea who is super cute and likable. Also the collection of the 6 Apostles (making it 18 for a Baseball Team) was interesting. The ending was pretty lame and I hate to say other than a few laughs and feel-good moments this movie will be forgotten like the dead-sea scrolls.

68/100

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The Brand New Testament (2015)

Exodus: Gods and Kings (2014)

I won’t lead a mass exodus of people toward this movie but it was pretty good. I expected this to be a lot worse after seeing Noah, but I was pleasantly surprised. The costumes and sets were amazing and some of the acting was quite good. I felt it was kind of strange to see Christian Bale as Moses and Joel Edgerton as Pharaoh Ramses. I was even more shocked to see Sigourney Weaver as an Egyptian (couldn’t see that coming in her career). Sadly, I’ve seen this story before, although it was well done, nothing in the plot surprised me because I already knew just about everything about it. It’s always nice to have a refresher on a great Biblical story but I’m not exactly sure why this film was made. I guess I have to give Ridley Scott some credit for not really being offensive like the movie Noah was handled.

70/100

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Exodus: Gods and Kings (2014)

Son of God (2014)

The greatest story ever told, even if it’s told over and over again. This wasn’t the best movie depicting the life of Jesus but it also wasn’t the worst. I haven’t seen the Bible mini series but this is an extension of that show. I thought the sets were pretty nice and the locales were really amazing. The costumes were pretty nice, especially the Romans and the swelling music was beautiful. The acting left a little bit to be desired but I thought that Diogo Morgado played an excellent Jesus, he has very kind eyes which is what I’d expect Jesus to have. This doesn’t break any new territory and really feels like Jesus’ greatest hits but hey, if it changes even one person’s life I can’t complain.

65/100

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Son of God (2014)

Noah (2014)

Uh… No. Sorry Aronofsky. You had me swept ¬†away in a deluge of wonder with Black Swan and Requiem for a Dream. This film, was a light drizzle of inspiration. I’m not going to go into a Biblical tirade, but I’ll just say this: if you are making a film based off of a written account (The Bible), at least attempt to make it follow the actual story. If a director did this with Harry Potter or the Hunger games, and changed so much of the story (Maybe Harry as a Slytherin or Katniss in District 1) people would have blown their tops. Also, the movie was all over the place. At one point I couldn’t tell if someone had dubbed over my movie with the Lord of the Rings. The sequence of Genesis was wonderful, I’ll admit. I love Emma Watson, but her character was unbearable in this film. I kept hoping she’d fall off the ark. If you have any basic knowledge of the actual story you’ll be shaking your head. Stone Golems building the ark? Yikes. It’s fine, but a choir of Angels won’t be singing any hymns about this film.

65/100

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Noah (2014)

Heaven is for Real (2014)

Heaven sounds like a nice place. “No one will ever hurt you again”. If that is the one thing you can take from young Colton’s jaunt into Heaven, I think that is the best one. Who cares about all the details, what you should care about is the feeling of love and the lack of pain. I thought this was a very touching movie. It had some problems that most Christian movies suffer from such as: lack of budget, big name actors (This at least had Kinnear and Thomas Haden Church) and some corny acting. The little boy did well for his age and Kinnear had some really honest scenes, where his acting was great. Some additional story lines like money troubles and angry church members didn’t seem to make it a better film, just a longer one. All in all, I think the movie did a good job. I want to read the book now.

73/100

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Heaven is for Real (2014)

Only God Forgives

All flash and no substance. This is not my first Winding Refn but he isn’t doing very well in my book. I love his style and use of color and light but his film don’t interest me. Drive was MUCH better than this, but that isn’t saying much because this film was horrid. It was like trying to make a David Lynch version of Kill Bill but it was lacking all the great Lynch stuff and the Kill Bill parts were minimal too. The acting was nice and like I said the film has pizzazz but its boring and dumb.

02/100

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Only God Forgives (2013)

Bruce Almighty

I’m glad I finally got to see this movie. Jim Carrey did a great job at his short stint of being Bruce Almighty. Morgan Freeman did a fantastic job as God. That silky smooth voice could only come from the heavenly father. Some of the jokes are a little goofy (It’s a Jim Carrey movie after all) but the scenes that worked, really worked and I laughed really hard during those scenes. The Steve Carell scene with the babbling had me in tears it was so funny. I also liked the moral of the story.

 

86/100

 

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Bruce Almighty

Bruce Almighty (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Bruce Almighty (2003)