The Room (2003)

Oh hai Readers! Wow, this movie is terrible. I can’t wait to see the Rifftrax for it making fun of this movie. I watched it the normal way and it was a terrible thing to go through. The only way to watch it is as a comedy. It seems like it should be a late-night Cinemax movie with its cheesy lines and bad romance. Tommy Wiseau is a genius as Pewdie Pie would say. He seems so bored but under that somber veneer he’s coming up with more great lines using every character’s first name within them. This movie is crazy and you’ll really hate Lisa, because she’ll tear you apart! Oh hai Mark!

50/100

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The Room (2003)

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Samurai Cop (1991)

Samurai Cop. The Cop that knows how to chop. This movie seems a lot older than a 90’s film. It has a really dated feel to it, I’m not sure if it was purposeful or not or if it was just bad film equipment and editing that went into this project. One thing I will say about this movie is that it is pretty dang funny. It has some really dumb gory scenes that look really fake, hilarious editing like the guy getting run over by the car or falling down the stairs (you see that they just cut and had him roll down the last two stairs). Matt Hannon is a terrible actor with the most lustrous hair that Fabio would envy (it looks dumb on a cop though). Robert Z’dar was one of the few good actors in this film, but even he had a skeleton of a script to work with. Other than the (unintentional?) laughs and the beautiful actresses this movie is a joke. It also happens to be on Rifftrax which adds even more entertainment.

65/100

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Samurai Cop (1991)

Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016)

I wouldn’t have brought any of these people to my wedding. Don’t get me wrong, they seem like funny people… but disaster follows them everywhere. I think this film has a lot more funny parts then people give it credit for. Zac Efron steals the show for the most part. I’m a huge fan of Aubrey Plaza and I liked her in this but she didn’t knock it out of the park like she did in the To-Do List. Anna Kendrick is also lovely but she didn’t blow me away in this film, I will say she looks good wearing a horse for clothing though. Adam Devine is really annoying. I think it’s mostly his face and his voice that makes me not want to watch him do anything. Sugar Lyn Beard was really great in this, I didn’t know her from anything before but I really like her. The movie feels like a clone of Wedding Crashers, that isn’t as good, but I enjoyed the parts that were enjoyable. I’ve seen worse comedies, so watch this if you want a few laughs.

70/100

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Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016)

The Marsupials: The Howling III (1987)

I was hoping for some killer koalas or a wallaby walloping but alas it was just werewolves with pouches. This movie started off pretty good. Then about halfway through something changes. The movie gets incredibly boring. Like it becomes an ABC Family drama. It’s all about nurturing their babies out in the wild and avoiding their natural predators (humans). There are some really good scenes in this, particularly in the beginning. I especially liked the fake Alfred Hitchcock director who makes horror films. The whole thing was really disjointed and they take an actress, Imogen Annesley, and make her go from being quite hot to quite hairy and pouch-y. Ick. It’s been a while since I’ve seen the other Howlings, but sadly this didn’t even have me howling with laughter. It was pretty boring.

23/100

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The Marsupials: The Howling III (1987)

Dead Alive (1992)

This movie made me feel alive! I laughed so hard during this Peter Jackson film, that I had a coughing attack. The Preacher saying “I kick ass for the Lord” really killed me. The gore in this movie is astounding. They literally must have went through gallons of blood and odd body pieces. The poor main actor was just doused from head to toe in gunge. The zombie baby was also a constant source of entertainment. I also liked the use of Tarot cards and destiny mixed with a zombie infection story. This is Peter Jackson’s best movie, forget the Lord of the Rings. I’ve never been more grossed out and entertained in my life… and this was on my third viewing. It gets better every time.

100/100

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Dead Alive (1992)

Troll 2 (1990)

I watched this, and now it’s going to watch me… OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOD! This movie was amazingly horrible. It might actually be the worst movie I’ve ever seen. It’s called Troll 2, but there isn’t even one troll in this film, let alone two! The movie takes place in a fake town named Nilbog, which if you watch America’s Next Top Model, that’s Goblin spelled backwards. These Goblin’s look like humans (but certainly don’t act like them, which I mean that they can’t act at all). They also try to force feed people green foods, because green dye is fun in your food! I’ve learned really important lessons in this film. You never piss on hospitality and if you place a regular corn cob between two pairs of kissing lips, you can make delicious popcorn. I also believe that a Grandpa Seth can help you through any problems in life. Please watch this movie, so that you can also witness the greatest train-wreck of a movie in film history.

-100/100 (A special score for a special movie),

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Troll 2 (1990)

Troll (1986)

I’m not sure if trolling was a term in the 80’s for messing with people, but this movie was all about trolling for the lol’s. This movie was absolutely crazy. The first crazy thing was that the dad’s name in the film was Harry Potter. It also involved a lot of magical creatures and magic. So J.K. Rowling might have copied a B-movie for her popular book series. A magical Troll living in an apartment basement kidnaps a small girl and turns into her and messes with her family and the other apartment residents. The sad part about this movie is that it looks like they worked pretty hard on some of the special effects. The bad part is they must have had no auditions for the acting. The acting was incredibly poor. I was surprised to see the talented Julia Louis-Dreyfus in this. Her part was skimpy and so were her clothes at one point. The boy (Harry Potter Jr.) was probably the wussiest boy I’ve ever seen and at one point is thrown into a wall by his little sister, and blames it on tripping to his parents. This movie is really bad, but if you watch it for the campiness then you’ll enjoy it a bit! Excellent music by the way, I need the soundtrack.

33/100

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Troll (1986)