The Room (2003)

Oh hai Readers! Wow, this movie is terrible. I can’t wait to see the Rifftrax for it making fun of this movie. I watched it the normal way and it was a terrible thing to go through. The only way to watch it is as a comedy. It seems like it should be a late-night Cinemax movie with its cheesy lines and bad romance. Tommy Wiseau is a genius as Pewdie Pie would say. He seems so bored but under that somber veneer he’s coming up with more great lines using every character’s first name within them. This movie is crazy and you’ll really hate Lisa, because she’ll tear you apart! Oh hai Mark!

50/100

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The Room (2003)

20th Century Women (2016)

I wish this was a film made before film was even invented. This movie was as fast moving as a stalled-out car. None of the characters had moved forward in their lives and the relationships were really awkward and dumb. I hated the Gerwig & Crudup relationship and don’t even get me started on the main boy’s relationship with Elle Fanning. Talk about being a giant cuckold. The movie isn’t incredibly long, but it felt like it took centuries to go through. I wouldn’t recommend this at all unless you seek frustration.

0/100

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20th Century Women (2016)

Detachment (2011)

I kind of wish Adrien Brody would detach himself from Hollywood. I’ve never really liked him as an actor. The thing is, I think he whispers his lines too much and then calls that acting. This movie was depressing. First of all it was almost a giant ad for “WE HATE NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND” and this movie doesn’t let you forget that. Then Brody has unhealthy attachments to underage girls (living with a prostitute for most of the movie). It makes all racial groups into a harsh light, showing Asian girls as being slutty, black students as being almost viscous and white people as suicidal sociopaths. I think also this movie should be shown to teachers before they get their first job, so they can expect the worst and not be surprised. This movie was a real downer, and it doesn’t make you feel too good about humanity or the American education system.

62/100

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Detachment (2011)

Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles (1994)

This is an interview where I wouldn’t accept the invitation. These Vamps are not the wussy sparkly kind that you see today. These will burn in sunlight and drain you like a juice box. Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt work excellently with each other. Kirsten Dunst steals the show as the bloodthirsty killer girl with killer curls. Christian Slater doesn’t have a huge role, but an important one. Plus I think he’s awesome. It was nice to see Thandie Newton in this, I’ve always liked her and although Banderas had a limited role in this movie, he did a great job. The movie flows really well and you start to really like the characters. Anne Rice is an excellent writer, so it was nice she did the screenplay for this movie. A classic 90’s Vampire film.

81/100

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Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles (1994)

Hell or High Water (2016)

It wasn’t hell to watch this and instead of high water, it had some high-larity all around! The writing was my favorite part of this movie Taylor Sheridan did a great job and gave the actors some really good dialogue that made you connect with all types of characters. I loved the setting of Texas with its wide open vistas and muted color palate. When there was action, it was really good and some shocking moments came out of those scenes. Jeff Bridges stole the show of course but I did also really like Ben Foster’s performance. I was unsure about Chris Pine as a Texan (he seems more Midwestern) but he did a fine job too. An excellent crime movie, that also sticks it to some bad people. A fun experience everyone should see.

88/100

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Hell or High Water (2016)

Das Boot (1981)

I’d like to stick my Das Boot up Wolfgang Petersen’s… um, nevermind. I know this is a classic film that a lot of people loved, but I have to say that I think it gets really boring and repetitive after two hours. The 3 and half hour director’s cut is super hard to get through in one sitting. I did it, but I never want to do it again. There is some good acting, except for that stupid ginger guy who had some really terrible hammy acting. The dubbed voice for him was also done as annoying as possible, so I think the dubbing crew also realized the guy was a gigantic tool of the sea. I also wish this movie had more submarine battles, instead we just get one while the rest of the movie is “Dive,dive, dive!” oh! Quick surface and look for ships… Oh no! Look out depth charges… let’s wait it out guys and listen to music and eat fruit!… rinse and repeat. It starts feeling like stock footage after the second hour, watch it again after reading this and you’ll notice. It’s too bad a good movie, gets ruined by getting too lengthy. I’m giving this film the boot.

62/100

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Das Boot (1981)

Starred Up (2014)

No, this is not about starting a new Tech company. It’s about a young man in prison that also happens to be the same prison his father is staying in. Starred up is British slang for a young offender being transferred from juvenile prison to the adult prison earlier than normal. Jack O’Connell did a fine job acting, so did Ben Mendelsohn but that’s where my love of this movie stopped. The DVD I watched this on had no option for subtitles and so with the accents of the actors, I found myself lost at what they were saying with no subtitle help. It was pretty much like watching a foreign film with no translation provided for you. This movie also didn’t have much of an ending either. It just wasn’t really very good, almost felt like a prison sentence. Maybe that’s what they were going for.

47/100

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Starred Up (2014)