20th Century Women (2016)

I wish this was a film made before film was even invented. This movie was as fast moving as a stalled-out car. None of the characters had moved forward in their lives and the relationships were really awkward and dumb. I hated the Gerwig & Crudup relationship and don’t even get me started on the main boy’s relationship with Elle Fanning. Talk about being a giant cuckold. The movie isn’t incredibly long, but it felt like it took centuries to go through. I wouldn’t recommend this at all unless you seek frustration.

0/100

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20th Century Women (2016)

The Brand New Testament (2015)

Sorry, I don’t think God or anyone would choose to make Brussels the first ever city. This movie starts off on the wrong foot at the very start of Genesis. I don’t really like how they depicted God in this film. A drunken, abusive and perverted pedophile of a father. It’s almost like this movie wanted to be shocking and disgusting right from the start. The movie gets a lot better when it focuses on God’s daughter Ea who is super cute and likable. Also the collection of the 6 Apostles (making it 18 for a Baseball Team) was interesting. The ending was pretty lame and I hate to say other than a few laughs and feel-good moments this movie will be forgotten like the dead-sea scrolls.

68/100

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The Brand New Testament (2015)

Mistress America (2015)

Finally Noah Baumbach a movie that is watchable! Yes, it’s still not perfect, but I did enjoy this movie. Greta Gerwig was adorable as ever and I really enjoyed Lola Kirke’s performance. The rest of the supporting cast was also good in its own way. Still, the Baumbach curse remains… he still can’t make a movie that isn’t just another “day in the life” kind of film. I really hate that genre of films. It’s like the reality TV form of movies. The writing is good though with a frenetic pace that will leave you breathless. I also laughed at several scenes, so good job on the comedy bits. Hopefully this is an upward trend for a writer/director I’ve come to love to hate.

77/100

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Mistress America (2015)

Hell of the Living Dead (1980)

It wasn’t hell getting through this, but I felt like I had died inside once it was over. The movie has some great cheesy moments (the reason I watched it) but the overuse of stock footage of slow motion animals was almost too much. It has some awesome music throughout the film. The acting is cheese at its best. Especially the long haired dude with the crazy eyes. I also was pretty surprised of the reporter girl who felt like she could sneak into an islander tribe with her pale white skin and just get nude and put a grass skirt on to be among the dark skin islanders. They seemed to buy it though, so let’s call that a win? The movie is weird for sure, but it is written by the same guy who did Troll 2. Check it out if you like bad acting and good music and gore. Everything else is as bad as rotten zombie flesh though.

32/100

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Hell of the Living Dead (1980)

La La Land (2016)

Sometimes I think actors must live in a constant state of La la land-ness to live in Hollywood. I guess if you are making money it’s nice, but the struggle doesn’t seem worth it. This movie was cute for the most part, but honestly it didn’t stay with me. I watched this a few days ago and normally review films right away… but I got busy and now I’m struggling to even remember this movie. Ryan Gosling was cool in this and Emma Stone is always cute, but I’ve seen way better musicals. The ending was also quite deflating. Maybe the movie wanted you to feel like you were handed a best picture Oscar and then have it taken away.

76/100

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La La Land (2016)

Tangerine (2015)

Well, you can tell this was made on an iPhone, probably with sticky tangerine fingers. This movie was a hot mess. I didn’t find it that funny and the acting was absolutely bottom the the barrel. I hated all the characters and it really didn’t have an ending. It kept my attention for sure, maybe just because of how it was always following people around (thanks again stupid Birdman) but just because it’s interesting doesn’t mean it’s good. Train wrecks are interesting but no good comes of them. I’d stay away from this movie, if you want a good Christmas film check out Die Hard or Gremlins.

50/100

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Tangerine (2015)

Hot Fuzz (2007)

Fuzz never felt so good. I feel like with me, this movie is underrated. I hardly ever feel like watching it. I think I understand now. It’s not as fun as Shaun of the Dead, it has a slower build-up to its awesome climax… but once that fuse is lit, this movie explodes into some awesome action. I think I just need to remind myself that the wait is worth it and when the sea mine blows, this movie will blow you away. Timothy Dalton steals the show for sure, but I love Nick Frost. Simon Pegg is pretty unlikable, but I understand the need for his character. There are other good cameos too that build the movie up. It has a good sense of mystery and some action that will make you want to go to the pub for a pint afterwards! A must watch for Edgar Wright fans.

90/100

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Hot Fuzz (2007)