20th Century Women (2016)

I wish this was a film made before film was even invented. This movie was as fast moving as a stalled-out car. None of the characters had moved forward in their lives and the relationships were really awkward and dumb. I hated the Gerwig & Crudup relationship and don’t even get me started on the main boy’s relationship with Elle Fanning. Talk about being a giant cuckold. The movie isn’t incredibly long, but it felt like it took centuries to go through. I wouldn’t recommend this at all unless you seek frustration.

0/100

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20th Century Women (2016)

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45 Years (2015)

I’d normally make the joke that this film felt like it took 45 years to go through, but I just won’t. The movie actually went by faster than I expected… but this movie wasn’t just dry, it was mummified. Dull, boring, tedious. I did get an excellent talking to about climate change though, so thank goodness for small favors. The movie just felt like a boring anti-smoking ad and teaches us that no matter how old and tired you get, you will still get jealous of your lovers ex’s. Some of the acting was pretty good, but for the most part everyone looked like they had sucked on a lemon too long. A total waste of time, probably why the Oscars loved it!

0/100

Half Reel

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45 Years (2015)

The Marsupials: The Howling III (1987)

I was hoping for some killer koalas or a wallaby walloping but alas it was just werewolves with pouches. This movie started off pretty good. Then about halfway through something changes. The movie gets incredibly boring. Like it becomes an ABC Family drama. It’s all about nurturing their babies out in the wild and avoiding their natural predators (humans). There are some really good scenes in this, particularly in the beginning. I especially liked the fake Alfred Hitchcock director who makes horror films. The whole thing was really disjointed and they take an actress, Imogen Annesley, and make her go from being quite hot to quite hairy and pouch-y. Ick. It’s been a while since I’ve seen the other Howlings, but sadly this didn’t even have me howling with laughter. It was pretty boring.

23/100

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The Marsupials: The Howling III (1987)

Anomalisa (2015)

This film felt as dead as the plastic the puppets were made out of. I normally love Charlie Kaufman’s films but when a movie’s description is “A stop motion film about a man crippled by the mundanity of his life” doesn’t that just make you want to watch it? I’m sorry, but making a boring movie, into a stop-motion boring movie doesn’t save it. The characters all speak in monotone throughout the film, so I disagree with everyone who says that the voice acting in this was great. I also think the speaking in the film in general was horrid because everyone waited like 30 seconds between each line before speaking, so there was a lot of dead air surrounding these lackluster puppets. The best part of the movie was the love-making scene between Lisa and Michael. Mainly because it showed how awkward sex can be at times, which Hollywood normally gets wrong. I’d rather see a local puppet show at a fair than watch this soulless movie again.

30/100

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Anomalisa (2015)

Leviathan (2014)

The title may be leviathan but the plot was as big as a minnow. This movie was another boring foreign film along the same lines as Once Upon a Time in Anatolia. Many long series of nature shots that are gorgeous and long bouts of silence. No dialogue or music, just still shots of nature. Also like Blue is the Warmest Color where they just ate all the time, these Russians just sat around drinking vodka. I think in the 2 hours and 20 minutes of film I watched about 7 or 8 bottles get finished. Fascinating. When there was some political intrigue the film started to get good, and then it was back to nature and drinking and silence again. The ending will also leave you scratching your head and make you wonder why you watched this film that stinks worse than low tide.

12/100

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Leviathan (2014)

Frances Ha (2013)

Frances Sigh. This movie starring Greta Gerwig is so pointless. It was like watching Greta’s movie “Greenberg” again but with a gender swap. I love Gerwig but these pointless films that just follow people around in their boring lives needs to stop. I found very little comedy in this. The black and white seemed to be put in there to be “artsy” and for it only being slightly over 80 minutes long it felt like it took hours to finish. A waste of a good actor and a waste of my time. This movie was Frances Blah.

35/100

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Frances Ha (2013)