Das Boot (1981)

I’d like to stick my Das Boot up Wolfgang Petersen’s… um, nevermind. I know this is a classic film that a lot of people loved, but I have to say that I think it gets really boring and repetitive after two hours. The 3 and half hour director’s cut is super hard to get through in one sitting. I did it, but I never want to do it again. There is some good acting, except for that stupid ginger guy who had some really terrible hammy acting. The dubbed voice for him was also done as annoying as possible, so I think the dubbing crew also realized the guy was a gigantic tool of the sea. I also wish this movie had more submarine battles, instead we just get one while the rest of the movie is “Dive,dive, dive!” oh! Quick surface and look for ships… Oh no! Look out depth charges… let’s wait it out guys and listen to music and eat fruit!… rinse and repeat. It starts feeling like stock footage after the second hour, watch it again after reading this and you’ll notice. It’s too bad a good movie, gets ruined by getting too lengthy. I’m giving this film the boot.

62/100

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Das Boot (1981)

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

The title alone is grating to me. It would be like “One-Eyed Willie’s Revenge: A Goonie’s Story”. Rogue One as a title would have sufficed. The cast of this movie was completely uninspiring and I’ll probably forget all of them. In fact, I just watched another movie with Ben Mendelsohn in it and it took forever to realize that I had just seen him in this movie. This felt more like the movie Valkyrie than it did Star Wars. It could be any war movie really, just felt very generic. I wanted more Vader, I loved his appearance towards the end and was finally getting excited, but it was short-lived. My biggest problem with this movie? The accents. Everyone seemed to be from a different country on Earth I was assuming. I heard Aussie accents, French, maybe German and a lot of British accents. It didn’t make any sense to me and it was distracting. Well, as I guessed, Disney is pumping out mediocre Star Wars films at a clip that would shame the Millennium Falcon’s Kessel run. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

65/100

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Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

In the Heart of the Sea (2015)

A tale of a whale. This actually was a lot cooler than I was expecting. I was thinking this was just a Moby Dick movie, but it’s actually about the author of Moby Dick getting the details about a giant whale attack for his story. I love that kind of framing device, just like Finding Neverland wasn’t exactly just a Peter Pan movie. Brendan Gleeson, Cillian Murphy were really good. Chris Hemsworth was a great leading man. I love the whale in the film too, it has an interesting behavior to it that made the film seem fresh. I just thought the whole thing was surprising and really good.

80/100

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In the Heart of the Sea (2015)

Baby’s Day Out (1994)

This baby had a fun time, but I felt like I was stuck in traffic. I remember watching this way back in ’94 and thought it was hilarious. On my revisiting, it wasn’t that funny. It was like a Home Alone clone, but just not as good. The best part of the whole movie was when Joe Mantegna had the only tree in his forest burnt down. Baby Bink was absolutely adorable and Cynthia Nixon and Lara Flynn Boyle were also quite adorable. I’m also a fan of Joe Pantoliano from the Sopranos, he did a pretty good job. I just wish the film wasn’t totally based on dumb physical comedy. It hasn’t aged very well, lets hope the baby did.

67/100

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Baby’s Day Out (1994)

The Walk (2015)

This is a walk I’d rather not take, but I’m glad Philippe Petit did. He seems to have made the Twin Towers of New York famous for not just being the target of a gigantic tragedy. I thought that Joseph Gordon-Levitt was incredibly adorable in this film, yes, his accent wasn’t spot-on all the time… but I loved him nonetheless. Charlotte Le Bon was gorgeous and interesting to watch. I also liked seeing Ben Kinsley in this as well, he’s in a lot of films but he adds a lot. The movie is very entertaining with an Ocean’s Eleven style set-up and the final scenes will scare the crap out of you if you have acrophobia like I do. I also just felt like it was a touching tribute to the World Trade Center that focuses on life instead of death. I love Zemeckis as a director and I’m glad he’s still working hard in Hollywood.

91/100

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The Walk (2015)

The Jungle Book (2016)

As I wade through the jungle of live-action remakes from Disney I come to a conclusion. This was a money-grab all the way. The film is hardly different at all compared to the 1967 animated version. One difference is notable, there is a single live-action person in the movie played by a young boy named Neel Sethi. He’s quite young, so I shouldn’t be too hard on him, but honestly I wish Mowgli would have just been animated. The acting would have been better, and a great voice actor doing that role could have done it justice. The animation is awesome in this film and I must say I loved Bill Murray and Christopher Walken in this. Idris Elba also has an amazing voice. I’m afraid these movies are going to just keep being made as they make money. It’s just so terribly lazy of Disney to do. How about create something new instead of just stealing Star Wars, Marvel franchises and making semi-live-action remakes of all your animated classics?

75/100

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The Jungle Book (2016)

Vacation (2015)

This is not my idea of a vacation. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I thought the movie was too raunchy. I don’t ever feel like the National Lampoon Vacation movies were incredibly raunchy but this one just went too far into that direction. Ed Helms did an okay job as Rusty, but why not just get the actual actor who played Rusty? He’s a big-time actor in the Big Bang Theory… maybe they couldn’t afford him. Also why did they change the sister’s actress as well? Is Juliet Lewis still alive? They kept the parents the same though, and it was great seeing them. I couldn’t stand the children in this movie. One was way too mean and the other was way too nerdy, effeminate and ugly. I did laugh at a few parts in this film, but it had a lot of missed opportunities and was really predictable. I like seeing Chris Hemsworth try comedy. I hope he does it more.

65/100

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Vacation (2015)