20th Century Women (2016)

I wish this was a film made before film was even invented. This movie was as fast moving as a stalled-out car. None of the characters had moved forward in their lives and the relationships were really awkward and dumb. I hated the Gerwig & Crudup relationship and don’t even get me started on the main boy’s relationship with Elle Fanning. Talk about being a giant cuckold. The movie isn’t incredibly long, but it felt like it took centuries to go through. I wouldn’t recommend this at all unless you seek frustration.

0/100

Half Reel

For more information on this film,
please visit the imdb.com page:
20th Century Women (2016)

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Mustang (2015)

I’m not much of a car fan but I almost wish this film was about Ford Mustangs. Instead, I get a torturous movie that even though it has a short length for a foreign film, it felt like it went on and on. I wouldn’t consider myself a feminist but this movie treats girls like crap and I felt like crap for being an observer of it. These girls are subjected to being locked in a house, forced marriage to men older than them and basically everything I don’t stand for when it comes to treating a woman right. The movie was shot nicely and it had some interesting scenes, but honestly I just felt like puking afterwards because it just felt so sad, and I hate to know that women get treated this way in the current year. Full disclaimer, I watch movies to be entertained. I know that this movie obviously made me feel something and that should earn it points, but I shouldn’t feel sad and sick afterwards… that’s not why I watch movies.

0/100

Half Reel

For more information on this film,
visit the imdb.com page:
Mustang (2015)

45 Years (2015)

I’d normally make the joke that this film felt like it took 45 years to go through, but I just won’t. The movie actually went by faster than I expected… but this movie wasn’t just dry, it was mummified. Dull, boring, tedious. I did get an excellent talking to about climate change though, so thank goodness for small favors. The movie just felt like a boring anti-smoking ad and teaches us that no matter how old and tired you get, you will still get jealous of your lovers ex’s. Some of the acting was pretty good, but for the most part everyone looked like they had sucked on a lemon too long. A total waste of time, probably why the Oscars loved it!

0/100

Half Reel

For more information on this film,
visit the imdb.com page:
45 Years (2015)

Don’t Look Now (1973)

Really. Just don’t. Don’t look now… or ever. I won’t apologize to say this movie was truly stupid. You can’t just base an entire movie on cinematography and editing. When that is all you can say about a film or those movies where you say “wow, well the music was good” it means the movie really wasn’t that entertaining. Now, if you only watch movie as art and not to be entertained at all, if you see a movie as an electronic painting on your wall and have no interest in whether there is good writing, acting or some semblance of a story then maybe you’ll like this movie. Okay, now that I’m off my soapbox, I’ll say this about the film. It is just boring. It’s about two hours long, it has almost no horror elements in it until the last four minutes of the film. Donald Sutherland has some of his worst acting in this, especially in the final “scary” scene. Julie Christie was pleasant to look at, but she also has some bad acting moments. All this film has is some cinematography and some editing. They seem to forget to add a movie to those things. A glorified screen-saver that will thrill no one.

0/100

Half Reel

For more information on this film,
visit the imdb.com page:
Don’t Look Now (1973)

Troll 2 (1990)

I watched this, and now it’s going to watch me… OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOD! This movie was amazingly horrible. It might actually be the worst movie I’ve ever seen. It’s called Troll 2, but there isn’t even one troll in this film, let alone two! The movie takes place in a fake town named Nilbog, which if you watch America’s Next Top Model, that’s Goblin spelled backwards. These Goblin’s look like humans (but certainly don’t act like them, which I mean that they can’t act at all). They also try to force feed people green foods, because green dye is fun in your food! I’ve learned really important lessons in this film. You never piss on hospitality and if you place a regular corn cob between two pairs of kissing lips, you can make delicious popcorn. I also believe that a Grandpa Seth can help you through any problems in life. Please watch this movie, so that you can also witness the greatest train-wreck of a movie in film history.

-100/100 (A special score for a special movie),

Half Reel

For more information on this film,
visit the imdb.com page:
Troll 2 (1990)

Carol (2015)

A slow burn romance so slow, you could swear it was from the embers of a fire made two weeks ago. This movie was horrible. I thought for sure it was going to go somewhere but it never really went anywhere. A totally wooden performance from Blanchett, she put on her smokey-bored Cruella DeVille voice and hardly raised her voice once. The romance between Rooney Mara and Blanchett also didn’t feel believable to me. The chemistry just wasn’t there. Out of the blue (which is even mentioned in the movie) Mara falls in love with this older woman while she is working as a store clerk. Blanchett doesn’t do anything to cause this kind of seduction or excitement on Mara’s part. Then you sit through hours of quiet car rides and one steamy lovemaking scene. I hope to never see a movie this slow and boring again, but my hopes aren’t high.

05/100

Half Reel

For more information on this film,
visit the imdb.com page:
Carol (2015)

Force Majeure (2014)

I had to force myself to finish this drab movie. Honestly, what was the point of this film? That men don’t always protect their family and women won’t let a man’s failings go unpunished? I felt like this movie made men look weak and women look mean. The whole cast is unlikable and if I watched a film just for its pretty location I’d watch the Planet Earth film. Some decent acting in this but that ending? What. The. Heck? Director Ruben Ostlund has given us forced manure…

0/100

Half Reel

For more information on this film,
visit the imdb.com page:
Force Majeure (2014)