Hell of the Living Dead (1980)

It wasn’t hell getting through this, but I felt like I had died inside once it was over. The movie has some great cheesy moments (the reason I watched it) but the overuse of stock footage of slow motion animals was almost too much. It has some awesome music throughout the film. The acting is cheese at its best. Especially the long haired dude with the crazy eyes. I also was pretty surprised of the reporter girl who felt like she could sneak into an islander tribe with her pale white skin and just get nude and put a grass skirt on to be among the dark skin islanders. They seemed to buy it though, so let’s call that a win? The movie is weird for sure, but it is written by the same guy who did Troll 2. Check it out if you like bad acting and good music and gore. Everything else is as bad as rotten zombie flesh though.

32/100

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Hell of the Living Dead (1980)

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Slow West (2015)

They were heading west… and it was slow. The really slow people involved in this film were the writers. What the heck was that ending? I’m now going to refer this movie as “Cuckold West”. Wow… that ending. Even though this movie is quite short compared to every movie out there, it felt long and had zero payoff. The acting was good, and there were some endearing moments but that ending will forever mar this film into suckiness. This is another one of those films where I will curse it on my deathbed. Why, why couldn’t I get that time back? I’ll always like Michael Fassbender though. He is just an excellent actor. I hope to never see this again, or even see it sitting on a store shelf. I’m done with it!

35/100

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Slow West (2015)

Son of Saul (2015)

Son of a… Hungarian movies and I just don’t get along. At least this movie wasn’t a hundred hours long, but I’m getting a little tired of Holocaust movies. Schindler’s List is impossible to beat and this movie just copied the over-the-shoulder camera angle from Birdman. I was glad that you could tell horrible things were happening but you didn’t have to see them up close and personal like a Saw movie would do. The acting from Géza Röhrig was excellent, but that’s about all the glowing review I can give this film. It was cramped and depressing like a concentration camp… which maybe was the movie’s point. I just got done watching the movie Irrational Man before this and I must say, that title fits this movie a lot better. Saul is just incredibly irrational through the whole film, then again he was a Sondarkommando so that isn’t a very rational choice either. I’d pass on this one, unless you just love the movie Birdman, then maybe you’ll find this one interesting too.

33/100

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Son of Saul (2015)

Troll (1986)

I’m not sure if trolling was a term in the 80’s for messing with people, but this movie was all about trolling for the lol’s. This movie was absolutely crazy. The first crazy thing was that the dad’s name in the film was Harry Potter. It also involved a lot of magical creatures and magic. So J.K. Rowling might have copied a B-movie for her popular book series. A magical Troll living in an apartment basement kidnaps a small girl and turns into her and messes with her family and the other apartment residents. The sad part about this movie is that it looks like they worked pretty hard on some of the special effects. The bad part is they must have had no auditions for the acting. The acting was incredibly poor. I was surprised to see the talented Julia Louis-Dreyfus in this. Her part was skimpy and so were her clothes at one point. The boy (Harry Potter Jr.) was probably the wussiest boy I’ve ever seen and at one point is thrown into a wall by his little sister, and blames it on tripping to his parents. This movie is really bad, but if you watch it for the campiness then you’ll enjoy it a bit! Excellent music by the way, I need the soundtrack.

33/100

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Troll (1986)

Anomalisa (2015)

This film felt as dead as the plastic the puppets were made out of. I normally love Charlie Kaufman’s films but when a movie’s description is “A stop motion film about a man crippled by the mundanity of his life” doesn’t that just make you want to watch it? I’m sorry, but making a boring movie, into a stop-motion boring movie doesn’t save it. The characters all speak in monotone throughout the film, so I disagree with everyone who says that the voice acting in this was great. I also think the speaking in the film in general was horrid because everyone waited like 30 seconds between each line before speaking, so there was a lot of dead air surrounding these lackluster puppets. The best part of the movie was the love-making scene between Lisa and Michael. Mainly because it showed how awkward sex can be at times, which Hollywood normally gets wrong. I’d rather see a local puppet show at a fair than watch this soulless movie again.

30/100

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Anomalisa (2015)

Two Days, One Night (2014)

This movie was short, but it felt like it lasted two days and one night. I’m impressed at how high of a level of boring this movie reached. It was like watching the same scene 9 times in a row with slightly different outcomes. Marion Cotillard plays the part of Sandra, a girl who is battling depression. She is getting let go from her job because their union voted on whether they get a bonus or keep her in her position. So, you spend an hour and a half watching her knock on doors or ring doorbells asking people the same exact question “Will you vote for me instead of your bonus”. This gets quite old after the third time you see it. Some people are jerks and say no, while others have better hearts and say yes. The ending is a real let-down and doesn’t make all the repetition of the movie worth it. There’s even a really medically unbelievable scene in the film that ruins its credibility in my opinion. A terrible movie, I’d suggest you give it a vote of no confidence.

34/100

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Two Days, One Night (2014)

Only Lovers Left Alive (2013)

They are the only people left alive, because the audience died of boredom. This “vampire” movie was about as stinky as a Twilight film. Except Twilight at least entertains you with its bad acting. This film actually had five accomplished actors: Tilda Swinton, Tom Hiddleston, Mia Wasikowska, John Hurt and Anton Yelchin. It was hard to tell that they are good actors in this film though, because for the most part they sat on a couch or inside a car. Hardly anything happens in this film except for one comedic moment involving Yelchin and Wasikowska. I really don’t have anything positive to say about this film so I’ll just tell you to avoid it. It’ll just leave you feeling drained.

35/100

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Only Lovers Left Alive (2013)