Tales from the Crypt Presents: Demon Knight (1995)

It was certainly a Knight of fun. I’ve always loved Tales from the Crypt. The Crypt Keeper is hilarious. This movie has a pretty interesting demon related story that also involves some Christian undertones. I thought the production value was really high. The demons were really cool looking. The special effects were really fun. Billy Zane was an awesome bad guy. Some of the deaths were pretty gross, but also amazing. Still, there was something missing from this to make it great. It is certainly good though. I’m looking forward to watching other films made by Tales from the Crypt.

76/100

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Tales from the Crypt Presents: Demon Knight (1995)

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Return to Sleepaway Camp (2008)

Maybe we shouldn’t have returned. This version of Sleepaway Camp was not very good. First of all it had a totally different feel compared to the other movies. It was just one giant anti-bullying movie. They took the bully thing way too far for way too long as well. You watch one kid just get almost tortured for the entire length of the film. It gets really uncomfortable and makes the movie more sad than scary. On the flip side, the boy being bullied is kind of a turd. There is no other way to describe him. He’s a jerk, he has a punchable face and he’s just as mean to people as people are mean to him. It creates this weird grey territory where you feel sorry for the boy, but also he doesn’t get too much sympathy from you. So the movie is pretty uncomfortable, has very few laughs and is missing some of the things that made Sleepaway Camp great (the anti-drug, anti-sex things, plus no nudity to be seen). I’d pass on this version, they can’t even turn this camp into being campy.

15/100

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Return to Sleepaway Camp (2008)

Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland (1989)

I wouldn’t say it’s a Teenage Wasteland, more like almost a waste of time. Sleepaway Camp III was still kind of fun, it just was missing some of the pizzazz of the second film. I did like that most of the movie took place in the woods, in tents. It got them away from the traditional cabin killings. I do think the fact that people were just getting hit with pieces of wood wasn’t a very creative way to kill the cast members. I do still like Angela (The Angel of Death) as the killer. She’s a lot of fun, and underrated for these films. I really like this series, sure they aren’t perfect but they are a fun thing to pass away the chilly October days.

60/100

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Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland (1989)

The Marsupials: The Howling III (1987)

I was hoping for some killer koalas or a wallaby walloping but alas it was just werewolves with pouches. This movie started off pretty good. Then about halfway through something changes. The movie gets incredibly boring. Like it becomes an ABC Family drama. It’s all about nurturing their babies out in the wild and avoiding their natural predators (humans). There are some really good scenes in this, particularly in the beginning. I especially liked the fake Alfred Hitchcock director who makes horror films. The whole thing was really disjointed and they take an actress, Imogen Annesley, and make her go from being quite hot to quite hairy and pouch-y. Ick. It’s been a while since I’ve seen the other Howlings, but sadly this didn’t even have me howling with laughter. It was pretty boring.

23/100

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The Marsupials: The Howling III (1987)

Most Likely to Die (2015)

This is most likely to bore you to death. I just don’t get this movie. It seemed like a ripoff of I Know What You Did Last Summer, where a group of mean kids do something they shouldn’t, and now they are being punished. Heather Morris from Glee is one of the headline of this pretty dumb film. She played the part of a professional poker player who apparently lost her killer instinct and lets people beat her in tournaments. All of her high school friends get together for a reunion and they keep getting bumped off by a mortarboard wearing murderer. The whole thing is pretty unbelievable, and by that I mean stupid. The kids will sit and talk about past loves while being right outside a shed where a dead friend is nailed to a wall… because you just stay so calm when your friends are slaughtered. Really bad acting and a boring story makes you wish you were back in classes again hearing lectures about soil acidity. Avoid this like the after prom school sponsored party.

11/100

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Most Likely to Die (2015)

Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988)

This film brings back memories. Campfire stories, eating in the cabin mess halls, pulling pranks… seeing people get killed… oh wait, scratch that last part. I didn’t have the honor of watching the first installment of this series (Thanks a lot Hulu) but I did manage to watch this interesting gem. I was surprised that they showed the killer so early in the film, I guess it wasn’t supposed to be a secret like the killer in the Scream movies. I did like this cheery killer though. She just wants kids to behave and not sleep around or do too many drugs. The film itself was pretty enjoyable but I don’t think it will be any kind of classic. The final scene gets pretty crazy and the ending is pretty open-ended. I still had some fun and I think I’ll look into the third film now.

67/100

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Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988)

Don’t Look Now (1973)

Really. Just don’t. Don’t look now… or ever. I won’t apologize to say this movie was truly stupid. You can’t just base an entire movie on cinematography and editing. When that is all you can say about a film or those movies where you say “wow, well the music was good” it means the movie really wasn’t that entertaining. Now, if you only watch movie as art and not to be entertained at all, if you see a movie as an electronic painting on your wall and have no interest in whether there is good writing, acting or some semblance of a story then maybe you’ll like this movie. Okay, now that I’m off my soapbox, I’ll say this about the film. It is just boring. It’s about two hours long, it has almost no horror elements in it until the last four minutes of the film. Donald Sutherland has some of his worst acting in this, especially in the final “scary” scene. Julie Christie was pleasant to look at, but she also has some bad acting moments. All this film has is some cinematography and some editing. They seem to forget to add a movie to those things. A glorified screen-saver that will thrill no one.

0/100

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Don’t Look Now (1973)